Farewell, My Kidney Stone

Dear Kidney Stone,

You were with me before I knew you. You were growing inside me for a time that only you know. Yet, you were kind enough to grow to only a passable size. You spared me. The pain was only excruciating for 8 days. You spared me. You could have grown bigger, why, with all the dairy products that enter my core and feed your strength. But you chose not to grow bigger.

Thank you.

Your mercy is appreciated. I say this because it's not your fault that my friggin doctors looked at the CAT Scan and thought, "hey, that's not such a big deal". Nor are you responsible for evolution's genius in making human Ureters so goddamn tiny that a grain of sand can't fit through them without causing so much pain that puking is a welcome form of relief. And finally, you can't control your journey. You didn't know where you were going. You kept obstructing very sensitive areas in a desperate attempt to stay with me, and in a way, I appreciate your dedication to my acquaintance.

We did not spend much time together, but you will be remembered. You were my first, after all, and during those dark days of screaming in terror while my wife desperately tried to help me and co-workers lived their lives, you were the only one I could speak to through my thoughts and my prayers. So I say farewell. Godspeed little Ureter havoc wreaker. And remember, if you try it again, I'll piss all over you.

Forever yours,
Ron